Sunday thoughts

Lord be my master
Just like my pastor said the other sunday.
Let's go get ice cream
And call it "our dream"
And live our lives to the fullest.
I'll store up my treasure
And outlive all the pressure
They say money is evil
But loving it's the root.
For all my simple questions
the "theologians" answer
I only want a simple answer
The moths eat my cloths
The thieves come in droves
Will I let them?
I never asked for wealth and money
only for that soul to love me
Whom I can call my own
In four years I'll be 21
And what of all the things I've done?
Will they still be here?
I know the answer
but yet I can't help but think and ponder
and live and wonder
and become who I was born to be.
Help me despise
all of those lies...

my foundation

please just take a sec and read the words to this well known hymn. which happens to be my favorite. : )

How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent word!
What more can He say than to you He has said
To you, who for refuge to Jesus have fled?

"Fear not, I am with thee, Oh be not dismayed,
For I am thy God I will still give thee aid;
I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by my gracious omnipotent hand."

"When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of woe shall not thee overflow;
For I will be with thee thy troubles to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress."

"When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be they supply;
The flame shall not hurt thee I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine."

"The soul that on Jesus has leaned for repose,
I will not, I will not desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I'll never, no never, no never forsake!"

Living in History

I think it's so great how everday of my life is my own little history book. Each day, each moment that passes, is written down. Like september 11th. It brings me back to Pearl Harbor. 100 years from now, kids will be reading in their history books about 9/11. and 100 years from now, they'll be reading about the Iraqi elections, and how people risked their lives to vote January 30th. It's amazing. It's incredible. It's beautiful. I wonder if I'll ever get put in a history book. It's a cool thought. : )

my hearts desire.

Sometimes I long to cry out with everything that is within me, and say as did Peter so long ago; "Depart from me Lord for I am a sinful man!"
But as much as my soul, in it's darkest despair longs to say these words, I know that I could not mean them. For I would lose sight of my Lord's sweet face. And the quiet peace that floods my soul, would be lost for eternity. And as I burned in hell, my soul would make herself sick with the longings for my sweet, beautiful Saviour, "Who comforts us in all our tribulations...Who delivers us from so great a death, and doth deliver: In whom we trust that He will yet deliver us;" My soul would perish, no: It would be distressed, despaired, forsaken, and destroyed, if I could not but have one small glimpse of His sweet and holy face. Oh God! I long for your return! Not a day goes by in which I don't look for you among the clouds, or stop, and listen for the trumpet's blare.
I know I will have failed miserably in my earthly life, but I must sit at your feet and rest in your arms and fill myself with you. Grant me the desires of my heart, I pray. I beg.
Keep me so close to you.
I need to be close to you.
I MUST be close to you.
I want to be close to you.
Guard me against the wicked one; "Lest Satan should get an advantage of me, for I am not ignorant of his devices."
Free me from myself. "Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty..."
I know! Yes I know! I have no excuse for my unbelief!
"You did run well, who did hinder you that you should not obey the truth?"
When I see my Lord speaking these words, He's saying them with such gentleness and so pleadingly! "Why, Esther? Why have you turned from me to seek after those things which shall not last? Were not my commands so simple? Did I ask too much of you? I gave you my life through death, Is it wrong to ask for yours in return, through love? What was it that made you turn away and despise me?"

Not so Lord! Not so! I love you! But I am so weak, Please, Help me! I beg of you!
As I confess to Him, He relives, what happened so long ago. On that cross, He stoops down for me! A Vile sinner! and dies. all over again.
His beard ripped from his face. And He is once again, spit on and His back is laid open by that Roman whip, with stone, glass, and bone imbedded in the tails. Then, as I cry out to Him for forgiveness, That crown, is slammed upon His innocent head. The thorns, grateing the skull, blood streaming down his face. And he walks, no, stumbles up that hill, with my cross upon his unrecognizable back.
Upon reaching the top of the hill, He willingly lays down upon the cross, as His feet, are nailed with a long rusty piece of metal, and his wrists, likewise. Then, the cross is lifted, and dropped into the hole prepared, the nails in his feet and wrists, ripping muscle and tearing flesh. And He hangs there. As He is mocked and laughed at. He did this for me and relives it, everytime I fail Him.
But then there is the HOPE! He answers my cry! And cries out through the mob of persecuters! "FORGIVE HER! She knows not what she does."

"If we confess our sins. He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

"Who shall seperate us from the love of God? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril or sword? ... For I am persauded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to seperate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Indeed no. For I say all these things have brought me closer.

THE little THINGS

I've always been raised as a kid that says please and thank you. It's funny how sometimes I forget to say those things to the one whe deserves them most. I geuss right now, my heart is so full with God's grace and goodness to me, I'm finding it hard to say the right words. I love Him so much, yet still not enough. And His love for me is so vast and uncomprehendable, I find myself just standing there, looking at the vasteness of creation, and being so overwhelmed.
I love it when the wind blows across my face and whips my hair in my eyes so that it hurts. And when the ocean waves come lapping gently over my toes, sinking them into the sand, the way when you're laying in the grass on a crisp day; and you can almost see where the edges of the world turn to a circle, and how a dead plant somehow always keeps its beauty, the way my cat chews in between her paws to clean them, how despite the durability of a cactus, I always manage to kill them. : ) How tears can be a solace, and fears a place to hide. How when I walk over to the river, and that big old willow tree makes me feel like i'm in another world and no one can find me. I just love all those little things. Those things that make you ponder, and think, if even for just a moment. I want to live like I'm dieing.

code name: CHANDELIER!

I must state my passion for Chandelier earrings. They are marvelous. I am a great collector of them. It was once told me by a loved one, "Your earrings are just going to get bigger and bigger." At the time, I thought to myself; "I don't know about that." But when looking at my collection, I realized the truth. They have. But its GREAT! You could say, I'm a conesuier of Chandelier earrings. My favorites are the new ones I got. There big yellow hoops, with tons of pink beads dangeling and dangeling. Dad called them "Flambouyent." But I say; "Ahhhh! The beauty!" But anyways, all this to state that my code name is Chandelier. How fitting. : )

LIFE

its short. don't get caught up in it or lose focus.

e.e. cummings poem

Check out this poem by e.e. cummings;

l(a
le
af
fa
ll
s)
one
l
iness

just look at the words in side the parentheses. now look at the ones outside. lonliness. a leaf falls.
isn't that great? just the design of it and those four simple words give me thousands of pictures. it's very tight. : )

About Me

The only thing I really can say is that God has been incredible to me, and this past year He's been helping me to see that. I'm so blessed. Through all the dark times and all the crappy ones, I've found that there's truth in the statement; "There's a light at the end of the tunnel." But the funny part is, God's always with me in my tunnel. Whether I see choose to see Him is another story, but as soon as I stop looking at myself, I can see Him, holding me SO tightly, grasping my hand and telling me; "Just trust me. That's all I ask." Wherever there's darkness, there's always light. 2 Corinthians 4:9 and 10 says;
"We are troubled on every side,
Yet not distressed;
We are perplexed,
but not in despair;
Persecuted,
but not forsaken;
cast down,
but not destroyed."
These words have spoken volumes of comfort to me.
I just was thinking today while my family was praying during our nightly devotions. Knock and the door will open to you. Isn't that so funny? A smile came to my face and I almost laughed aloud as I realized how simple it all is. All those stupid worrys and fears become so small in the presence of one so Great as my God.
He IS mine. And I am truly His.